Here is an other example of personal writing: the most impressive person I ever met. Like the last one (find it here), it isn’t perfect by any stretch! It is my writing, not the work of a student, and so it might give ‘middle aged mummy’ vibes rather than feeling like the authentic voice of a GCSE student. Nonetheless, I think it’s helpful for students to see how to structure a piece of personal writing and keep it focused on the topic.
For more on teaching personal writing, read this blog post, and download my free Personal Writing Guide for students which you can find here:
Write an article for your school magazine about the most impressive person you have ever met.
The heat that summer caused the air to shimmer and vibrate in front of us. The sun had been out for weeks … I had to pinch myself that this was Belfast and not the south of France! Most years, we get one, maybe two days of hot weather in a row, but this endless summer was pure bliss! Some of you older readers might talk of hot summers in the 70s or 80s, but my generation … well, we’re just happy when it’s not raining!
Anyway, that summer … the summer of 2020, was an unusual one, and I’m sure you know why. Yes, there was something new and unusual happening in the UK. There was change. There was unrest. You’ve probably not guessed it but … my amazing sister had a baby, and made me the proudest auntie in the world! Let me take you back to those crazy, hazy, lazy lockdown days of June 2020.
Tips:
Don’t launch straight into the person’s life story. Make the reader wait. Instead, set the scene. Try opening with the weather.
Address your audience specifically. Think about the readers of a school magazine: they are parents, grandparents, teachers, past and current pupils, local businesses, etc. Speak to them by inviting them into the story, e.g. Come with me …/Let’s journey back in time …/Imagine this …
Tips:
‘Well’ is a very conversational style of writing which can engage a friendly audience in your piece.
The reader wants specifics – when, where, what happened. Avoid being vague.
Use repetition to create structure in a paragraph. In this case, anaphora. ‘the … the … the …’ is repeated three times.
Comparing life and a person to the theatre and backstage crew is a metaphor. Comparisons like this can help to push your score right up the mark bands.
Well readers, I’ve spoiled the story a little by telling you about this life changing event. Now, allow me a minute to tell you about the person who made it happen, the person who is the most impressive person I have ever met. Here are the facts: she’s 26 years old, a whole decade older than me. She is not only a clever human, she owns her own business! And get this: in her spare time, she volunteers at a dog shelter near our house. I kid you not, she is the most impressive person on the planet.
Drum roll please … allow me to introduce you to …. the incredible … the awesome … the super-human … Sarah Brown!
I’ve known her since the day and hour I was born, but you haven’t had the pleasure of knowing her, so let me tell you all about her. She is the kind of person you don’t notice straight away. That’s not meant to be an insult! It’s just that she’s quite a quiet person. Imagine a theatre full of actors trying to grab the limelight. Sarah is the head of the back stage crew! The show couldn’t happen without her, yet you could enjoy the whole thing without even realising she was there. I hope you can start to see just how important she is in my life.
Let me give you an example of just how great my sister is. When we were in primary school something happened that changed our lives. I remember that Wednesday like it was just yesterday. Our Granny had been living with us for years as she wasn’t able to look after herself anymore. I was five years old – I was the youngest in my class as my birthday was at the end of June. Sarah was in P7 and was getting ready for her P7 residential to the North Coast. The Sunday before, Granny had taken a turn for the worse, but I didn’t realise. I was only five after all! I was getting in the way, wanting to play with my parents and being loud around the house. Mum asked Sarah to play with me and keep me in my bedroom as Granny was really unwell. I think my mum must have know it was her last day with us. Sarah braided my hair, read me stories, played ‘school’ with me, coloured in and probably a hundred other activities that kept me busy and happy. I didn’t realise at the time what was happening in our house. Mum and dad delivered the sad news that Granny had passed away, and we were all distraught. The whole of the next day, Sarah did the same thing with me: she braided my hair, she read stories to me, she played make-believe school and coloured in, and the next day, and the next. By the weekend, it is no exaggeration to say that she hadn’t left my side. It was only then that I realised that Sarah had chosen to stay home with me for those few days instead of going on her class trip to the coast. What a sister! Selfless, loving and kind: an angel in disguise. I couldn’t ask for more.
Tips:
‘Let me give you an example’ is a nice way to introduce an anecdote. By using ‘me’ and ‘you’, you create a bond with your reader. And by giving a specific example from your life, the story feels more real and more personal.
Create imagery through similes or metaphors. Here, a metaphor is used to compare Sarah to an angel in disguise.
Tips:
Be real with your reader; personal writing is meant to be personal. Describe emotions, thoughts and feelings to help your reader to bond with you and feel what you feel.
Vary your sentence length. Note the three short sentences at the end of the paragraph – the full stops create pauses which speed up the passage and make it feel more significant and exciting.
We said our heartbroken farewells to Granny at Roselawn Cemetery; Sarah held my hand throughout. Then, ten years later, I got to hold her hand through something equally intense and emotional, but this time a much happier occasion. Sarah asked me to be her birthing partner, incase her partner Jake was away. That hot, hot day in July, Sarah went into labour. She was still three weeks away from her due date, so we were all taken by surprise. Jake was indeed away – he was working on a big job in Co. Cork and despite driving as fast as he could, he couldn’t get home in time. It was my turn to be there for Sarah, and I was NOT going to let her down. I was there. I was ready. Let’s go!
Ok, ok, I can sense that you don’t want the gory details of the next six hours, right? Well, let’s fast forward to the end of that day. In summary, I was an amazing birthing partner! I breathed at all the right times and I held her hand and I even got to cut the cord … it was incredible. But if you think I did a good job then you should have seen Sarah! She, after all, is the star of this article. She was in so much pain but she did the most incredible thing: she brought little Aimee into the world! I’ve watched ‘One Born Every Minute’ and ‘Call the Midwife’ but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, quite like seeing it in real life!
Tips:
At this point, you might need to refocus on the topic – check the title and ensure you are moving towards a clear focus and a climax of the story.
Tips:
Here, little extra details and humour are added in brackets. This helps the article feel very conversational and friendly. They also add the realistic details that make personal writing feel true.
While the nurses (also amazing, by the way) helped to get Sarah sorted (again, let’s skip the gory details!), I held my brand new niece Aimee. She looked like a wrinkled up peach balloon! But she was perfect. She fell asleep in my arms and I was on cloud nine! By the time Jake arrived to take over from me, I felt like a new person. And I was. Sarah had made me an auntie.
Tips:
Using little phrases like ‘Fast forward …’ give structure to your work and help you to tell a long story more quickly.
Fast forward three more years to summer 2023. The sun doesn’t seem to shine as much as it did in that first lockdown, but it doesn’t matter. Every day is full of sunshine with Aimee and Sarah around. Sarah is a hero to me. To be honest, she always was, but now, seeing her as a mother makes it even more clear how much I admire her. Yes, she’s pretty young to have a child, but there’s no-one in the world who would play that part better than her.
Friends, some of you who know me will know that Sarah and I had another very difficult time in this last year. We lost our dear Uncle Jack, my mum’s brother. He was well known in our school as he used to be a Maths teacher here before he retired. And in a very sad way, I was able to return an old favour to my sister by entertaining Aimee while Sarah said her goodbyes to Jack. I took Aimee up to her room; I braided her hair, I read her favourite stories and I coloured in pictures of unicorns riding on rainbows. I even played pretend school, just like her mummy had done for me all those years ago.
Tips:
Talk to the audience regularly through the speech. Remind the examiner that you are aware of your reader by calling them ‘Friends’ and talking directly to them e.g. ‘some of you who know me…’.
Repeating an idea from the start is a great way to add structure – the echo back to the start reminds the reader of previous details and gives a sense of closure.
Use triplets/groups of three (‘I braided her hair, I read her favourite stories and I coloured in pictures of unicorns riding on rainbows.’) to create structure and rhythm to your sentences. This is more enjoyable to read, almost musical in its sound.
Tips:
Go back to the title of the task – be very (very) clear that you are well focused on the main topic and have fully answered the task. Reflect at the end e.g. Looking back now …/I know for sure that …/This person is …
Looking back now, I can see how Sarah has been a great sister, a best friend and an all round impressive person. I wish I had time to tell you all about the animals she helps at the shelter, and about the business she has set up from home to support her little family, and about the mouth watering pavlova she makes! I know that our lives will always be spend in each other’s pockets, so I fall into the trap of not telling her enough that I love her and am so grateful for her. I know she reads this magazine so here is a final message for her: thank you, Sarah, for teaching me how to be incredible by your own incredible example!
That’s all folks!
Thanks for reading. This one is perhaps over sentimental! Please comment below if you have tips or suggestions on how to teach personal writing. We love to share ideas.
You can find the mark scheme for CCEA GCSE Personal Writing on p10-13 in this link.
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