I am very bothered by Simon Armitage recounts a youthful act of cruelty in a chemistry lab. The speaker expresses regret as he looks back at his adolescent behaviour.
This study guide is written for students and teachers of English Literature, particularly those studying CCEA’s GCSE English Literature Relationships Anthology. For more study guides from this anthology, check out the Relationships page, or the list of poems in the series at the bottom of this guide. If you are studying one of the other anthologies in the CCEA Literature course, check them out here: IDENTITY Anthology or CONFLICT Anthology.
I am very bothered
I am very bothered when I think
of the bad things I have done in my life.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
and played the handles
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
then called your name, and handed them over.
O the unrivalled stench of branded skin
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
then couldn’t shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
the doctor said, for eternity.
Don’t believe me, please, if I say
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
of asking you if you would marry me.
What is 'I am very bothered' all about?
Stanza 1
“I am very bothered” opens with a confessional tone as the speaker looks back on his youthful misdeeds. He reflects on one particular childhood memory, where he describes a cruel prank played in a chemistry lab. He vividly recalls holding scissors by their blades and heating the handles in a Bunsen burner’s flame before handing them over to a classmate.
Stanza 2
In the second verse, he remembers the sight, smell and sense of guilt he experienced as his classmate was permanently scarred by the burning handles. The burn is made worse as the girl was inability to remove the burning rings from her fingers. The speaker sounds detached as he recounts the doctor’s words, stating that the marks would last forever.
Stanza 3
The final verse reveals the speaker’s struggle to accept his actions and the guilt he feels many years later. He suggests that his cruel act was a misguided attempt to express affection. He implores the reader not to believe him if he claims it was merely a clumsy way of asking the classmate to marry him. The poem’s structure and ironic tone underscore the narrator’s unresolved feelings and the complex relationship between memory, regret, and the naive motivations behind his actions.
Context of 'I am very bothered'
Simon Armitage's life, education and career
Simon Armitage was born in 1963 in West Yorkshire, England, and grew up in the village of Marsden. He attended Huddersfield Polytechnic, where he received a BA with Honours in Geography.
After completing his degree, he worked as a probation officer for several years before beginning his writing career.
(Source: “Simon Armitage.” Poetry Foundation. Accessed 2nd August 2024. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/simon-armitage)
Armitage has published numerous poetry collections, including Zoom!, The Shout: Selected Poems, and his latest, Magnetic Field: The Marsden Poems. He has also written several translations, including Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. In addition to his writing, Armitage has worked as a radio and television presenter and has collaborated with musicians and visual artists. He was elected Oxford Professor of Poetry in 2015 and in 2019, he became Poet Laureate, taking over the mantel from Carol Ann Duffy. (Source: “Simon Armitage.” British Council. Accessed 2nd August 2024. https://literature.britishcouncil.org/writer/simon-armitage)
Armitage’s work is influenced by his Yorkshire heritage and his interest in history and nature. He has cited the poets Ted Hughes and Philip Larkin as important influences, as well as the Anglo-Saxon poem Beowulf. Armitage’s poetry often explores the themes of identity, loss, and memory, and his use of language is marked by its clarity and accessibility. (Source: “Simon Armitage.” Poetry Foundation. Accessed 2nd August 2024. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/simon-armitage)
If you enjoyed the poem ‘I am very bothered’, check out some of Simon Armitage’s other poems; ‘Out of the Blue‘, which was written to mark the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks on the World Trade Centre in New York; ‘Remains‘, a soldier’s post-conflict account of a traumatic incident at war; and ‘Kid‘, a dramatic monologue written from the point of view of Robin, the ‘boy wonder’ who we all know as the sidekick to Batman.
Specific context of 'I am very bothered'
‘I am very bothered’ comes from Armitage’s 1993 collection Book of Matches. This collection is a self-portrait, or autobiography of Armitage’s youth, upbringing and personal memories. The poem ‘I am very bothered’ is a memory of Armitage’s schooldays. Indeed, the object of Armitage’s thirteen year old crush later becomes his wife, Alison Tootell. This context gives better understanding to the imagery of wedding rings branded on the skin in the second verse of the poem.
For a more in-depth examination of the autobiographical nature of Armitage’s collection, Book of Matches, read Raphael Costambeys-Kempczynski’s brilliant essay ‘Truly, It’s How I Am: Autobiography in Simon Armitage’s Book of Matches’.
The title of the 1993 poetry collection ‘Book of Matches’ apparently comes from a party game Armitage used to play, where you had to recount a story or tale within the time it takes to strike a match and before it burns your finger. This is the opening of the first poem of the collection:
My party piece:
I strike, then from the moment when the matchstick
conjures up its light, to when the brightness moves
beyond its means, and dies, I sat the story
of my life –
(from ‘My Party Piece’ by Simon Armitage)
Another important context for this poem is the fact that Armitage worked as a probation officer after his graduation until 1994. Read a little from Armitage about being a probation officer here. Armitage’s father had also worked as a probation officer, and so the language and culture of this job was very familiar. The opening lines of this poem are reminiscent of a probation board meeting where a prisoner might try to show the change that being in prison has had on their life, and that they are ready to be released: “I am very bothered when I think of the bad things i have done in my life.” This confessional tone both echoes Armitage’s career before writing and sets up the confessions that follow in the poem.
Line-by-line analysis of 'I am very bothered'
Stanza 1
I am very bothered when I think
- The opening word is a personal pronoun, ‘I’, which establishes a personal, introspective tone.
- The adjective ‘bothered’ conveys a sense of discomfort and mild regret, setting up the speaker’s emotional state.
- Present tense verbs are used for the main narrative, for example ‘am’, to indicate an ongoing, current reflection on past actions.
of the bad things I have done in my life.
- The confessional tone is created through the personal nature of the writing, as well as echoing the words a prisoner might speak at the beginning of a probation review to show they are ready to be released.
- Repetition of the personal pronoun ‘I’ emphasises the sense of personal responsibility and introspection.
- The abstract plural noun ‘bad things’ generalises the speaker’s past mistakes and seems childish in its vocabulary choice, creating the context of childhood memories.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
- The adverbial phrase ‘in the chemistry lab’ helps the reader imagine the situation of the memory being recounted, creating the school setting.
- A colloquial tone is used in the phrase ‘Not least’ suggesting that this is not the only event which the speaker might regret. This paints a picture for the reader of a boy who was often up to no good.
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
- Imagery ‘held a pair of scissors by the blades’ creates a vivid, dangerous image that foreshadows the harmful prank.
- The symbolism of ‘scissors’ represents the potential for harm and carelessness.
and played the handles
- The speaker diminishes and trivialises his actions by using a metaphor ‘played the handles’, which implies the speaker was engaging in an innocent, albeit thoughtless, action rather than dangerous cruelty.
- The informal verb ‘played’ lulls the reader into warming to this schoolboy rather than being immediately shocked by his actions.
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
- Sensory imagery is used to create a visual image of the ‘naked lilac flame’, adding an artistic, almost romantic quality to the description. The choice of the colour ‘lilac’ downplays the danger, softening the intensity of a blue flame to something which seems less threatening.
- The adjective ‘naked’ suggests exposure and vulnerability, or perhaps even a sensual or sexual undertone to the language.
- Alliteration is used in ‘Bunsen burner’, making the /b/ sound resonate with the consonance of ‘naked lilac flame’. The Bunsen burner is also a very familiar symbol of school days for the reader, and brings them back to their own school memories, making this line almost emotive in its impact on the reader.
then called your name, and handed them over.
- Direct address is used in ‘your name’ to speak to the object of the story, the classmate. This is the first time the reader is made aware of the listener. The context of the poem helps us to understand this better, as we know this to be autobiographical, and that Armitage later married the girl who is the silent listener here.
- The comma in the middle of the line allows a short pause, a caesura, before the real cruelty happens. The pause also intensifies the conversational, story-telling tone which the speaker uses in an attempt to soften his behaviour and make it seem like a funny joke.
- This line closes with an end-stop, bringing verse one to a close too. This long pause allows the emphasis to fall on the moment the prank was executed, and allows us a moment to imagine the consequences, before they are described in detail in the next verse.
Stanza 2
O the unrivalled stench of branded skin
- The exclamation ‘O’ adds dramatic emphasis to the experience being described.
- Sensory imagery is used in the olfactory vocabulary choice ‘stench’, conveying the strong, unpleasant smell of the burns. The language is vivid and disturbing.
- Sibilance is used to link ‘stench’ and ‘skin’, creating a sinister sound to the description.
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
- Again, the silent listener is referred to using direct address in the pronouns ‘you’ and ‘your’, reminding the reader of the victim of the story.
- Juxtaposition is used to contrast the mundane action of ‘slipped … in’ on this line with the traumatic ‘couldn’t shake off’ of the next line.
then couldn’t shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
- The imagery of ‘two burning rings’ symbolises the physical and emotional marks left by the prank.
- ‘two … rings’ is also a metaphorical symbol of wedding rings, linking the cruel prank to the revelation at the end of the poem, that the speaker fancied the girl he hurt. Indeed, he later got married to her, making this image of branded rings hauntingly insightful.
- Ironically, the burn marks are even more permanent than wedding rings, which can be removed.
the doctor said, for eternity.
- The attributed speech ‘the doctor said’ provides a voice of authority, although none is needed here. Any reader would know that these marks would be unlikely to ever fade.
- The choice to give these words to the doctor rather than to speak them himself reveals a detached tone from the speaker, removing himself from directly acknowledging the consequences for himself.
- Hyperbole in ‘for eternity’ emphasises the permanent nature of the scars, underscoring the seriousness of the consequences.
- Again, this stanza ends with an end-stop, providing structure to the verses, and allowing distinct sections to emerge within the poem. Verse one is the incident, verse two is the consequence, and verse three is the regret and attempt at justification.
Stanza 3
Don’t believe me, please, if I say
- Direct address is used again, as the speaker appeals to the listener. Is this a sincere ‘Don’t believe me, please’, or a double bluff to remove guilt?
- The conditional tense used here in ‘if I say’ indicates that the speaker is about to offer an explanation or excuse for his actions. Should we, the reader, believe his apology to be sincere? And should the listener? Again, it seems that the speaker is attempting to soften and diminish the cruelty of his childhood behaviour. As an adult, he is struggling to reconcile his past behaviour (what seemed at the time like innocent pranks) and his present feelings of guilt.
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
- The colloquialism ‘butterfingered’ again attempts to diminish the speaker’s actions to make it seem the result of youthful carelessness. But ironically, in this attempt, the word ‘finger’ only serves to remind us of the burnt fingers.
- The time reference ‘at thirteen’ provides context for the speaker’s behaviour, implying his immaturity was the issue rather than a cruel personality.
of asking you if you would marry me.
- Irony is used in the final turn of the poem, the revelation ‘asking you if you would marry me’. This presents the prank as an ill-conceived attempt at a romantic gesture, again attempting to soften the speaker’s actions.
Analysis of form and structure in 'I am very bothered' by Simon Armitage
Verse structure
“I am very bothered” is written in the form of an modern sonnet, in that it is made up of fourteen lines, which traditionally aligns with the structure of love poetry.
However, Armitage subverts this form in several ways. The poem is divided into three stanzas of varying lengths (seven lines, four lines, and three lines respectively) rather than the traditional quatrains followed by a couplet. This irregular stanza structure contributes to an anecdotal, conversational tone, enhancing the sense of the personal confession of the poem. Armitage also uses the three part structure rather than the more traditional ‘problem and resolution’ structure of a Shakespearean sonnet. The three sections effectively create two Voltas (turns) rather than one.
Rhyme
The sonnet lacks a strict rhyme scheme, opting instead for occasional rhymes (for example ‘skin’ and ‘in’ on lines 8 and 9), assonance and internal rhymes. For instance, words like “name” and “flame” are positioned to create an internal rhyme ie in the middle of the line, subtly linking the girl’s name with the metaphorical flame of love. This use of imperfect rhymes reflects the imperfection of the narrator’s actions and his flawed attempt at expressing affection.
Rhythm
The rhythm patterns in “I am very bothered” are irregular, contributing to the anecdotal tone of the poem. The poem does not have a strict metrical pattern such as iambic pentameter, which is often found in traditional sonnets. Instead, it uses varied line lengths and stresses to mimic natural speech patterns. This irregular meter helps to create a more personal and introspective feel, as if the speaker is recounting a memory in a casual conversation. Despite this irregularity, some of the lines do have ten syllables (lines 2, 3, 7, 8, and 14), and some, while being longer, do have five stressed syllables (lines 4, 9 and 13), vaguely echoing iambic pentameter, the traditional rhythm of the sonnet form.
Enjambment is used extensively throughout the poem, where sentences and phrases run over from one line to the next without end-stop punctuation. This technique enhances the flow of the narrative, making it more fluid and dynamic, and contributes to the irregularity of the rhythm structure.
Themes in 'I am very bothered'
Regret and guilt
The poem focuses on the speaker’s deep sense of regret and guilt over a childhood prank that caused harm. The speaker reflects on the lasting consequences of his actions and the emotional weight of his past behaviour. The final plea, ‘Don’t believe me, please, if I say …’ seems an arrogant refusal but acknowledge his own guilt, yet the sensory descriptions of the cruel action in verse two seem to speak more loudly of his guilt and regret.
The theme of regret is also explored in the poems ‘Wild Oats’ by Philip Larkin and ‘To His Coy Mistress’ by Andrew Marvel.
Memory
The poem explores how past actions are remembered and reevaluated with the passage of time. It delves into the ways in which memories of youthful mistakes continue to affect one’s present self. Memories of the past is a main theme in ‘Wild Oats’ by Philip Larkin and memories are also briefly explored in ‘Clearances 7: In the Last Minutes’ by Seamus Heaney.
Youthful behaviour
The poem highlights the recklessness and lack of foresight characteristic of adolescence. It examines how youthful actions can have serious repercussions. Often these cruel actions are the result of misguided intentions or immaturity, but they can have very real consequences nonetheless. Being young is a theme which is also explored in ‘Wild Oats’ by Philip Larkin.
Love and romantic gestures
The poem juxtaposes a harmful prank with a supposed romantic gesture. While the action is cruel and misguided, the speaker attempted to express affection. It touches on the theme of how actions meant to convey love can be misinterpreted or have unintended consequences. Other poems in the CCEA Relationships explore love, for example ‘How do I love thee?’ by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, ‘I Carry Your Heart’ by E E Cummings and ‘Sonnet 130′ by William Shakespeare.
Quiz
‘I am very bothered’ by Simon Armitage
Test your knowledge of the poem 'I am very bothered' by Simon Armitage
Comprehension Questions
- What is the central event or action described in the poem, and what do you think the main themes are?
- How does the speaker describe their feelings about the event in the opening line, and how do you interpret this?
- What specific imagery does the poet use to describe the Bunsen burner flame, and what effect does this imagery have?
- What are the immediate physical consequences of the speaker’s prank as described in the poem?
- How does the speaker attempt to rationalise or explain his actions in the final stanza?
- Identify and explain the significance of the metaphor involving “two burning rings” and “Marked … for eternity” in the poem.
- Discuss how the poem’s lack of a strict rhyme scheme and rhythm contributes to its overall tone.
- What does the use of enjambment throughout the poem suggest about the speaker’s emotional state?
- Why has Armitage chosen to echo the form of a sonnet, and why do you think he does not follow the rules of a sonnet strictly?
- What poem from your anthology would you choose to respond to a compare and contrast question on the theme of regret? Make a mind-map to plan out your response to this essay prompt.
Both poems explore the theme of regret. Armitage’s poem expresses personal regret using a confessional, conversational tone and a loose sonnet form to highlight personal guilt and the lasting impact of his actions. In contrast, Marvell’s poem adopts a persuasive, carpe diem approach, urging the speaker’s beloved to seize the moment before time runs out, using a formal rhymed couplet structure that emphasises logical argument and persuasion. While Armitage focuses on remorse and the emotional consequences of cruelty, Marvell presents a philosophical regret about wasted time and missed opportunities, highlighting the urgency of physical connection before it’s too late.
Armitage’s poem deals with a single, intense moment of childhood guilt over a harmful prank, using a loose sonnet structure to convey personal remorse and the lasting impact of his actions. Larkin’s “Wild Oats,” on the other hand, reflects on a long-term sense of regret about a missed romantic opportunity and an unfulfilled relationship. Both poems use a conversational and narrative style. While Armitage’s regret is immediate and visceral, marked by a specific incident, Larkin’s poem falls slightly short of regret, and is more reflective and drawn out, focusing on the passage of time and the emotional distance that has grown between himself and his past choices. Both poems use a colloquial, honest tone but Armitage’s is more confessional while Larkin’s is more detached and observational.
